Hey yall! So glad you are here! I am starting a series of blog posts about my daughter Austyn Josephine. Over the next week or so, I will retell her story. This is something I have wanted to do for so long and I am so happy to be doing it. This serves as therapy for me and I hope it tells you a little bit more about my life and my sweet daughter💓
I was 34 weeks pregnant with boy(Trent Anthony)/girl (Austyn
Josephine) twins at my high risk specialist check-up appointment. The nurse was
preparing me for the ultrasound and we were discussing how she handles giving
bad news to parents. It was purely random. I think I asked her, “Is it hard on
you to be in the room and have to watch parents get bad news about their unborn
babies?”
High risk doctors and nurses see all kinds of pregnancies.
This is the place that people go when there is “something wrong” with the baby.
Shaking her head yes, she said, “Yes! And I always tell the
parents….DO NOT go home and google this!”
It was a flippant conversation that would prove to be a look
into the very near future. The doctor came in and started the ultrasound. I’m
laying there. He’s measuring all sorts of things and clicking here and there on
the machine. I’m alone, of course because, being on the second pregnancy, my
husband, if off work, needed to be home with Alivia (our oldest) when I went to
the doctor. No big deal, though. This is a routine ultrasound right?
I’m watching the screen.
The doctor is watching the screen.
Call it mother’s intuition, but I knew things were not ok. I
could see both heartbeats but I could tell he was looking closely at the image.
His head tilted to the side. His hand came up to his mouth. He squinted a
little.
“What do you see,” I said. “Is it something bad?”
“It’s hard to say for sure, but I think your daughter, has
transposition of the great arteries.”
Silence
I had absolutely no clue what that meant but I knew it was
not something he wanted her to have. The feeling in the room told me that. The
look on his face told me that. The sadness and thought of potential pain on his
face told me that.
“So what does that mean?” I tried to conceal the fact that
my heart had dropped to my toes. I knew in my gut this was not a good thing
“It is a congenital heart defect.” He proceeded with
caution. “The main arteries of her heart are on the wrong sides.”
Ummmm, I’m sorry…WHAT?!
“If she does indeed have this, she will need open heart
surgery within the first week of life.”
Pretty sure my ears turned off at that point. All I could do
is stare at him. Is this real life? He must have the wrong lady! My babies were
totally fine at the 20 week anatomy scan. What is he even talking about?
I distinctly remember him saying, “I hope this is not the
case.”
Yall! When a doctor hopes your kid doesn’t have what he
thinks they have, its BAD!
So here I am. Alone. Wiping cold jelly off my tummy that
holds my two precious babies. Trying to get myself together so I can get up and
get out of here. I need to talk to someone I know. I need to talk to them so
they can tell me this isn’t true and this is not what is happening.
Plans were made to get an echo cardiogram of the babies
hearts so we could get a confirmation of whether or not Austyn did, in fact,
have transposition of the great arteries. It was Friday. I had all weekend to
think about this. To worry about this. To search on the Internet, because you
know that’s the first place I went! I contacted everyone I knew in the labor/delivery,
ob/gyn world and asked everything I could. This is how I deal with panic. I
overwhelm myself with information in hopes of feeling in control. It doesn’t work.
Pretty sure it makes it worse.
The next appointment confirmed our fears. Austyn had TOGA.
They drew it out for us. They explained the procedure. They crushed our hopes
for a perfectly healthy child.
Two weeks later Austyn Josephine would come into this world
and begin the fight of her life.
This link gives detailed info about the heart defect if you are interested in reading😊
Come back tomorrow!! I’m posting a new blog every day this
week and they are all part of the Austyn Josephine Series!
This has got me in tears. You are a strong women I was just putting myself in your shoes when I read you carried boy and girl twins which I have now they are 11 and I have a 16 year old daughter.
ReplyDeleteI met this women when I worked at this chocolate boutique a couple years ago which she was a customer that came in always we talked about her pregnancy of twins as well then one day she came in and told me one of them became stillborn and she would have to carry it till she gets closer to her date.I cried with her.
The point is I share your pain and you are a strong beautiful women with beautiful kids which I see in your stories and a great mom and I thank you for Sharing you are doing a terrific job.
My gosh!! Thank you so much!!!!
DeleteI am sorry for your loss. My friend thank you for sharing.
ReplyDelete